Newbie here and to cancer

[jane dio]

Ruth - No I wont drink.. LOL, I get drunk on 1 can of UDL. My hubby is going to drop me at the hospital and then come home to sort the kids.. It's now school holidays which is a pain but never mind. I have told hubby I don't want him or anyone at the hospital and I really don't. When people are around me I feel I have to be the life of the party, otherwise they look at my with pity filling their eyes. I can't deal with that so I can't show my weakness. I can't be that person tomorrow.

Well, that me out til after surgery. I have so much to do. I've still do Easter sculpture to complete now, not going to be able to do much clay work for a few weeks. Oh man... Easter shopping, forgot about that.. and the list goes on. I'll be back in a few days. Take care all and thanks xoxo

WISH ME LUCK !!

[ruth1]

Jane - please please don't drink night before a general anaesthetic - you will be having drugs for pain etc and having a load of alcohol in your blood stream is just a bad idea. I can understand the need though. Yes its going to be a very tough day to get through but you will sail through it and be so thankful when you do get home to your own bed. The whole cancer thing will consume you for a while and its horrible. Just take the one day at a time attitude to get through. Any big decisions about mastectomy/recon can all be made down the track. You might find you feel differently a few months after this and opt for double mx and with/or without recon. If this lack of sleep continues I would advise h=getting some help before you go crazy with exhaustion. I know that no sleep is a horror for me - I cant cope without sleeping. I hope you have someone going with you in the morning.

[jane dio]

Ruth, I haven't actually mentioned about my arm and shoulder to the docs. Didn't seem to be important at the time but now as time goes on I am wondering. Been to long for a strain and the pain comes and goes. My surgery is done in the general hospital and then I will be referred over to the cancer ward for treatment. My breast care nurse has shown me around the wing and she's great. The hospital is 10 minutes away from where I live so travel isn't an issue but parking is. Sometimes it takes 30 minutes to get a park on the hospital ground. I think my biggest problem at the moment is that I can't sleep. I close my eyes and I see everything flash in front of my eyes, like words. Cancer, Lumpectomy, Cancer, mastectomy, Cancer and it just goes on. When I do finally fall asleep crying I dream that I wake from surgery and they have removed my breast. None of the medical team have indicated the entire breast but my surgeon did say worst case was they may have to take 1/2. You know, I am ok with losing my breast but if one goes they both go. I've already thought long and hard about it. As I sit here, I can clearly say at this point I am not interested in reconstructive surgery. And I will also have the rest of my girly bits out. I'm 46, I have 2 beautiful children with no plan nor desire to have more children - hell if I had have know I could have had a hysterectomy when I had baby girl by c section.. I would have. Hind sight is wonderful. I was never able to breast feed either kids.. no milk.. Sorry I am going a little off track. LOL, can't remember where I was going with this but anyway. I thought about getting drunk tomorrow night but I guess that wouldn't be a good idea the night before surgery.. At this point they are telling me I need to be at the hospital at 7.30 to book in at day surgery and get paperwork done. I have a 7.45 appointment over in imaging to have the blue contrast and the hook wire procedure. Then back to day surgery where I have to settle into the waiting room for 4 hours whilst the contrast works and then finally surgery time is supposed to be 1.30pm but could blow out to 2.30pm... Can't see me getting home til early evening... long day

[ruth1]

I checked it out and it looks like a good place to be - sorry but I thought you were somewhere in a small country area. Just seems that you have issues with your arm and pain that haven't been addressed by the medicos yet. As Rosa said - you will be surprised at how easy the surgery is. The sentinel node dye isn't difficult either. I can't tell you how nodes are checked with lumpectomy as I had a dble mastectomy. The dye will show up on a scan the nodes which might be affected - the nodes where the lymph fluid passes from the tumour into the glands and those nodes will be removed. That will prob mean a small incision in your armpit area. You should speak to the surgeon before the procedure - have they said that there is a possibility of taking the whole breast? Keep your mind on the fact that whatever has to happen is happening in order to save your life. There are always options down the track too - things can be done later when decisions are made for what is the best way to treat you. I remember well the night before my surgery - I dropped and smashed a large bottle of olive oil all over the kitchen which took hours to clean up. That was it for me - I fell apart and couldn't pull myself together - its a traumatic time but please know that the surgery itself isn't so hard - Rosa is right - you will breeze through.

[jane dio]

Rosa, Did you have sentinel lymph node as well? not really sure what to expect, like do they go in thru the same place as the lumpectomy.. guess they'll explain all that on the day. The other thing I am terrified of is that I go get the lump out and they take the whole breast. I've decided if the nodes come back positive, and the margins are not clear, then I will opt for a double mastectomy. Not one side.. I don't think I could handle that.

Ruth - we have an amazing cancer wing it's all new and improved check it out
http://www.lrh.com.au/services/hospital ... are-centre

[The new girl]

hi Jane,I totally understand,the offer is always there if you change your mind
Because I have been there you don't have to sugar coat things for me.
Try not to worry about surgery,I know I did and after it I thought it was a breeze.
Sending you lots of hugs
Rosa

[ruth1]

maybe you need to be under the care of a bigger hospital - Peter Mac?

[jane dio]

Well, I've had a little time to sort myself out and now I am right back where I was a week ago.. 2 days before surgery and I am really scared. This all started because I found a lump which wasn't a lump and pain in my breast. I've had similar pain in my shoulder for weeks, going to a few months. The difference is the arm pain is excruciating after the pain goes I get numbness and tingles in places in my arm and fingers. I may be reading too much into it but I really feel this is part and parcel. If the pain and numbness is still here after surgery when I go back to the specialist, I will ask him for a CT or something. To this point I've not had any blood work nor any other tests except Mammo. ultrasound FNA and core biopsy. Anyways, as I said I have surgery scheduled in 2 days lets hope that it goes ahead this time and they don't forget to book the hook wire and the blue dye stuff. If they cancel ago, I tell you heads are going to roll.. I'm more angry than anything.. I should be 4 post surgery and half way to a full diagnosis..

Mighty Oak - I found the poem you referred to and it's beautiful. I have also placed it on my fridge.. I hope you don't mind

Rosa - Thankyou for the offer of your phone number. I find it easier talking here, where I can be completely honest because no one knows me and I don't have to sugar coat anything. The real world is so hard because people just don't understand.

[Janette]

I must say that being geared up for surgery only to have it cancelled is a nightmare. It is quite cruel. I'm sorry that happened.

[The new girl]

hi Jane,that's just rotten luck about today. Not sleeping at the moment is normal,it was for me before surgery I hardly slept,but you really have to try and remove the other stresses,it's hard not to stress about the bc but try to not worry about anything else,when I was going through chemo my sleeping pattern was all over the place but you just learn to cope,sleep when you can. Next week will come faster than you think,you have the ironing to keep you busy,try to surround yourself with understanding friends,or just talking to a friend over the phone,if you like I can give you my number.
Rosa

[jezza]

I have to say that I was a complete mess before surgery and felt exactly like you...no sleep...couldn't eat,manic housework etc and if that had happened to me I honestly don't know how I would have coped. I just know it wouldn't be well!

Unfortunately I don't think the 5th will be here before you know it....especially if you aren't sleeping.

All I can say is what others have said....that the surgery will be a breeze but I know waiting for results is hard. I totally sympathise with you and you have had such a rotten deal with your GP etc and now this. Think of all of us who have got through this awful time and are waiting for you to join us! I just couldn't believe it when I read your last post though. What a day you've had.

Hugs and more hugs

jezza

[ruth1]

Jane - I completely get why you are at the end of your tether - now this - it isn't fair at all. Unfortunately in this life we have the thing of sh1t happens - we aren't allowed to swear on this forum so that word might be removed but I feel its the only word that describes what you've been through today. I think now you need to regroup and try hard to de stress over the next few days and weekend. You raced around and got everything ready so I hope you can take it really easy and rest. Feel really sorry for you tonight - what a terrible day.

[Mighty Oak]

Hi Jane,
How devastating for you to be dealing with this. You're so right, it is unfair. All of us who have been through a bc diagnosis know that the waiting is the hardest thing to deal with. You have got yourself all geared up, mentally and physically only to have the rug pulled out from under you. You don't expect things like this to happen but I guess there is always a chance of miscommunication in any business, even hospitals. At least it's not too long to wait, the 5th will be here before you know it and you'll have some answers as to what you're plan is going forward. Pre surgery is hard because you just want to be rid of this 'alien' that has taken up residence in your body without permission. Jane, we are here to listen to your fears and rants without judgement.......let it out girl!!!
There is a poem called The Oak Tree (hence my online name) by Johnny Ray Ryder Jnr., which I have stuck to my fridge. It is a very inspiring poem. I read it every day during my journey of chemo, surgery and rads. Those few words inspired me then, and continue to inspire me today.
Big hugs to you Jane,
Mighty Oak

[jane dio]

well, here I am.. I'm home.. surgery was cancelled, If something is going to go wrong it will for me. Hospital booked me in for surgery but never booked me in for the hook wire nor the tracer in nuclear medicine.. So angry.. Now I have to re organise everything again for Wednesday 5th. Can't deal with this.. Surgical manager say this has never happened in the 20 yrs that he's been their.. Can't cope anymore. I just want this out now.. it's not fair that they do this to me

[ruth1]

Jane the surgery shouldn't be too difficult and hopefully you will wake up and think exactly that. You sound so stressed out which isn't good so hope you can at least rest for the next few weeks and recover. Good luck.