Feeling down

Discussions relating to Gynaecological cancers and treatment, risk, symptoms, etc
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schoolteacher
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Re: Feeling down

Postby schoolteacher » Thu Sep 10, 2015 1:38 am

:mad: so cross on your behalf Judy. How insensitive!!!! And from a point of pure ignorance. Maybe you could have asked what his medical qualifications were? You have been so amazing please try not to let him set you back. :hugs:
DX OCT 08, 9mm Her2+ grade 3 tumour and DCIS. Nodes clear, wide local incision, unclear margins so LB mastectomy, chemo Taxotere Carboplatin Herceptin Tram Flap Nov 2011

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Re: Feeling down

Postby chrismelb » Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:10 pm

That's cr*p to hear Judy when it is not so. All cancers have different stages i Know but i have no idea what they are. I'm pleased to hear you are taking a bit of time off cos it does take time to recover fully. xo
Dx 9/03 EBC
5/12 ABC bones-Herceptin,Tamox&Zometa
8/12 Liver mets-Abraxane,Herceptin&Zometa
6/13 Xeloda/Tykerb Xgeva
11/14 TDM1 Xgeva
1/15 Rads to tumour in head
2/16 Whole brain rads lepto. mets, continue TDM1
8/16. Navelbine, Herceptin
1/17 Neratanib Xeloda & Herceptin.

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Re: Feeling down

Postby JudyB » Sat Aug 29, 2015 10:23 am

Tracey that is just disgusting, where do these people get off, who makes these decisions? I remember a friend of mine years ago trying his hand at selling insurance. He spoke to me about getting insurance for my son who was around 10 at the time. We were flat broke and really struggling. I said that we didn't have the money for that at this time of our lives and there were things higher up our list that needed the money. He then asked me how I would feel if my son was in an accident and badly disfigured and I couldn't afford to get him the plastic surgery that would give him the best chance of leading a normal life. I just looked at him in a manner that made him wither lol. How dare people play on a parent's feelings like that? This man had no children, no responsibilities in life apart from himself and was a good family friend. Anyway I told him my thoughts and off he went. Next time I saw him I asked him how his new venture was going. He said that he had talked to a few more of his friends and got the same response he got from me and he was no longer pursing it. A few years later he decided to try selling funerals, pretty much the same deal. He showed me a glossy brochure of caskets and asked me which one I would choose for my mother. I picked the second cheapest lol. It was plain but decent and not showy, it was presentable, reliable and would do the job, much like my mother. His words? "You would send you mother out in that?" or something similar. I told him that my mother would be horrified to know that I had a ridiculous amount of money on a casket that was only going to be buried six feet under or burnt. That job didn't last long either lol. Don't get me wrong, he is a good family friend but sometimes he just needs to be reminded of a few things.

I am used to all the funeral ads on tv and insurance etc. I can turn off to these mostly, probably because I am not at this stage terminal. We recently combined our superannuation and have set up a self managed fund so unfortunately I don't think I can get a payout unless I die where my husband will get a small amount. Pretty typical of our luck, the moment we decide to do something pro active with our finances something happens to make it not the best move, lol. Doesn't matter though as it was a positive move and hopefully will strengthen our retirement funds whether I am here or not.

I guess at the end of it all I am just upset that all I am asking for is some help financially to live until the end of the year and they have turned it into something that it isn't. I just know however that if I had put a claim in for the full two years saying that I couldn't work they would be saying but you aren't terminal, no reason you can't go back in the new year. I can't win.
DX Sep 09, LB mast with axillary diss. Grd 2 Ductal Carc. 50mm diam. Margins clear. 1/13 nodes. OR+ PR+, HER2- . FEC x 3, Taxotere x 3, RADS x 30, Tamoxifen, DIEP reconstruction April 2011, Femara 2013, Oophorectomy 2013.

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Re: Feeling down

Postby Tracey Gibney » Sat Aug 29, 2015 12:01 am

Judy I do know how you feel! One of the reasons I haven't claimed my super is I didn't want to have in writing that I was terminal and only had a year to live( this has recently been changed to 2 years). On the other hand Judy if it means you could access your super it might be worth it. In reality nobody knows how long they have to live and what they are going to die from. Along similar lines I answered the phone to a telemarketer from our bank who wanted to sell me life insurance and I said I have advanced cancer and they thanked me and hung up. Ten minutes later the phone rings again it was the banks Estate and funeral plan division wanting to sell me their services! Judy I know you can't unhear those comments but try and not give them power they don't really have. It also sounds like there was a bit of confusion between stages and grades. Sending you a hug Tracey xx
EBC 94 aged 34. Mastectomy CMF, tamoxifen. Mets 07 brachial plexus, supra clavicular node, sternum. Treated with AI's Rads x3 Ooph 09. 2014 met to chest wall,surg, rads. 12/14 Multiple bone mets, rt axillary nodes further recurrence chest wall. Failed on Faslodex. 8/15 Ibrance

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Re: Feeling down

Postby The new girl » Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:25 pm

:hugs: oh judy that just make me sick,how un compassionate are these idiots,definately put in a complaint,try to put it behind you. I just cannot believe people can be so insensitive :grr: ......Rosa

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Re: Feeling down

Postby ruth1 » Fri Aug 28, 2015 7:46 pm

Judy, this whole deal is a sh@#ty time. When you add other stuff to the mix then its unbearable. I think its a terrible world we are living in and compassion is going by the wayside. Insurance people are very dispassionate about hard stuff and work by their guidelines and probably haven't a clue how that would affect someone on the receiving end. I think you should take it further so long as the stress of that doesn't get to you even more. It seems people are becoming less caring and the mighty dollar rules supreme. I suppose jobs are scarce so people do what they are told but that's no excuse for this treatment. :hugs:
Dx IDC 2cm grade 3 ER/PR pos. DCIS grade 3, fam hist metastatic BC. Bi lat mastectomy, FEC x 4, surgical revision pending. AI x 5 yrs Femara

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Re: Feeling down

Postby JudyB » Fri Aug 28, 2015 6:21 pm

My husband rang me on his way to work and I burst into tears of course. He is furious and is going to take it further. I am wondering whether I should inform my doctor and let him contact them. I don't think I would be happy if I were a doctor and someone told my patient that they were terminal. The biggest problem is that you can't unhear things and whilst I know my prognosis is not great it was really difficult hearing someone tell me that they have it in writing in front of them that my chances are so bleak that are writing me off without even a thought. I was already upset this morning as I lay awake thinking about work and feeling more and more upset and hurt about all that has gone on there. Just a really sh%#@ty time I guess.
DX Sep 09, LB mast with axillary diss. Grd 2 Ductal Carc. 50mm diam. Margins clear. 1/13 nodes. OR+ PR+, HER2- . FEC x 3, Taxotere x 3, RADS x 30, Tamoxifen, DIEP reconstruction April 2011, Femara 2013, Oophorectomy 2013.

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Re: Feeling down

Postby jezza » Fri Aug 28, 2015 6:11 pm

Please do write. The same thing happened to a friend of mine a few years ago when dealing with Centrelink and being unable to work. She was very ill at the time and was asked if it was terminal and how long was she expected to live. I mean seriously?? How can you ask that of someone! She was so upset that she just hung up.

Her niece was a lawyer and complained to Centrelink and arranged all the paperwork for her and she did receive an apology.

Not what you need at this time Judy. How did it end up? Surely, as you say, a Dr's certificate to your assessor is all you need stating that you would be best not to work for the rest of the year. A few months off work doesn't seem terminal to me. Isn't this why we have income protection?

I'm so angry with them on your behalf!!

jezza
Dx Jan. 1992 9mm Grade 3 IDC node neg. LB mast. Prophylactic RB mast. 6 months later. No chemo. No rads. Saline implants. 22 years NED. (No Evidence of Disease)

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Re: Feeling down

Postby JudyB » Fri Aug 28, 2015 3:58 pm

Thanks Janette, in hindsight I should have said oh ok, then can you please pay me my TPD then? I am thinking of writing a letter of complain, not against the clerk but against their processes that make this necessary. It would have to be one of the most unfeeling lacking in empathy things I have every heard and it is so totally inappropriate and unnecessary.
DX Sep 09, LB mast with axillary diss. Grd 2 Ductal Carc. 50mm diam. Margins clear. 1/13 nodes. OR+ PR+, HER2- . FEC x 3, Taxotere x 3, RADS x 30, Tamoxifen, DIEP reconstruction April 2011, Femara 2013, Oophorectomy 2013.

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Re: Feeling down

Postby Janette » Fri Aug 28, 2015 3:47 pm

Oh Judy,
That is so unfair. I hope you put more faith in what your medical team tells you than someone from an insurance company. Let him think what he likes, particularly if it improves your claim. You've been absolutely amazing in handling all this. I hope you can pick up mentally again. :hugs: :grouphug:
Janette

Dx LCIS Dec 1997, Dx IDC, DCIS, bilateral LCIS Oct 2005 er+pr+her2-
Bilateral Mastectomies, expanders and silicone implants

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Feeling down

Postby JudyB » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:15 pm

Hi all

I thought that as I have been off work for a week now I should get my backside into gear and get the income protection claim rolling. I spoke to a lovely young man and he took down the few details he needed to start it. The first question of course was what was the diagnosis, I replied with uterine cancer. The next question was what grade, I replied with grade 3. Hmmm.. he said, it says here that grade 3 uterine cancer is considered advanced and that you are likely to become terminal, have you been told that you are terminal? WTF???!!! What difference does that make to them for a start? Stage 3 does not mean terminal! It's not good but it's not a given! No my doctor hasn't told me this because doctors try to keep a positive spin on it and they themselves have no idea of how the cancer will act. I was gobsmacked. My specialist finally made me feel a little more hopeful this week and in two minutes this person has dragged me right back to where I was, worse even. He then went on to ask me what time frame my doctor has given me regarding being terminal!! WTF again!!! My doctors tell me I would be best off not working until at least the end of the year and I have decided that this is the way to go. Why should a clerk have to ask these questions? Surely this is something that is between the assessor and my doctors. I know it was uncomfortable for this man and he was very nice about it and only doing his job but seriously???? Who approves these processes?

Rant over but I will never be able to unhear those comments and questions and it has set me back mentally more than I thought possible.
DX Sep 09, LB mast with axillary diss. Grd 2 Ductal Carc. 50mm diam. Margins clear. 1/13 nodes. OR+ PR+, HER2- . FEC x 3, Taxotere x 3, RADS x 30, Tamoxifen, DIEP reconstruction April 2011, Femara 2013, Oophorectomy 2013.


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