My mum is suffering breast cancer

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hibiscusmum
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Re: My mum is suffering breast cancer

Postby hibiscusmum » Tue Jun 15, 2010 3:19 pm

Hi Nguyet,

You've come to the right spot, as I just said to another newbie! All the posts below are just right!!

Your Mum is just trying to protect you & her emotions will be forever changing. As frustrating as it is just try & be there for when she feels she wants to let you in :hugs:

Tanya

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Re: My mum is suffering breast cancer

Postby tez66 » Tue Jun 15, 2010 3:15 pm

Hi Nguyet

I am a mother and I felt and still feel guilty about dragging everyone throught his whole sceanrio. Did I ever have a conversation with my teenage boys about my breasts prior to DX, no and not only that death and dying became reall as a possibility.... I have to say....it is not fair, I didn't ask for this, they didn't ask for this...I was angry too, just sitting and being with your mum is okay too, from a mum's perspective, we are supposed to have the answers for our children and it can be frightening not to have them yourself, it's a tragic scenario all round, love and prayers to you ....
Tez

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Re: My mum is suffering breast cancer

Postby AndyK » Tue Jun 15, 2010 10:56 am

Hi Nguyet

I found the initial diagnosis and waiting for a treatment plan was the most difficult time. My family wanted to talk to me about my options and they wanted to help, but I found I was just unable to communicate properly. Everything made me mad, people being caring and nice, people being helpful, and people giving me their opinion. Whatever your mum says to you, you can't take it personally. She's going through an emotionally rough time, and needs to work it out herself. You can't force the issue. Just let her know you're there when she needs it.

When I was first DX, my sister posted on here and was given some really good advice.
Don't tell her to be strong, or be positive.
Don't tell her about cures and treatments you've heard about.
Don't talk about other people you know who've been through it.
Don't force her to talk about her cancer... some people just don't want to.
Also, I've found it hard to ask for help, it's not that I don't want it, it's just that I have so much else to think about, I don't what to think up jobs for people. She might just need someone to come in and do things, take control. And also, she may not need help right now, remember if she's just been dx, she probably feels fine and as fit as usual.
----------------------------
Andy
I'm the real life energiser bunny ...

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Re: My mum is suffering breast cancer

Postby karyng » Mon Jun 14, 2010 8:03 pm

Hi Nguyet

I havn't posted here for a while, but went through a hard time. My mum was diagnosed in 1993, and sadly died in 2006 from breast cancer on Mothers Day.

Mum was angry, happy, sad, hormonal (due to the drugs), but always had a smile for me when I came to visit (I live over 4 hours away). We cried, we laughed, we talked and were there for each other, even in the darkest days together. In one way, i know it's cruel, but i didn't see some of the things that my dad and brothers saw with treatment and the like (they live within 5 mins of dad), and it wasnt until i saw mum one last time that it was the end of the road for her. Afrter 12 years of treatment, drugs, hospital visits and nurses and doctors that were just amazing, it was time for her to leave this earth. That was one of my darkest days, as I am the only daughter.

Does your mum fear death? treatments? maybe she doens't know what to do herself. Maybne she needs time to adjust?

A great book that helped me was grief and grieving. Another thing that helped me emensly was this website - without these great ladies, giving me advice - goodness knows where I would have ended up.

Keep in touch and please don't feel like you are alone - you and yoru mum are not.

hugs
Karyn
when the wind blows, that's mum's way of giving me a hug.

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schoolteacher
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Re: My mum is suffering breast cancer

Postby schoolteacher » Thu Apr 22, 2010 9:21 pm

:wave: Nugyet
A bc diagnosis is a worrying time for the whole family. I am sure you are upset and worried about mum as I know my two girls were about me. The hardest thing for me was breaking the news to them. We hugged lots.
The best thing you can do for mum is to be there to help where you can and to keep things as calm as you can at home. If mum has been diagnosed recently she will be trying to get her head around a lot. She won't be able to cope with any other demands on her. Let her focus on herself for a bit. Remove all pressure. She will respond to you when she is able to. thinking of you both
:hugs:

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Re: My mum is suffering breast cancer

Postby jezza » Thu Apr 22, 2010 5:56 pm

Hi Nugyet!

Lots of mums here on the forum who have gone through treatment for breast cancer. What sort of treatment is she having? It is a very scary time for you both.

If she is angry and upset...thats natural. This forum is a very good place for her to ask any questions she may have. It often helps to discuss things with others who have had similar treatment.
I'm not sure how recent her diagnosis is but often when you know your treatment plan and what you have ahead of you it becomes easier to discuss things with others.

Please keep in touch.

jezza
Dx Jan. 1992 9mm Grade 3 IDC node neg. LB mast. Prophylactic RB mast. 6 months later. No chemo. No rads. Saline implants. 22 years NED. (No Evidence of Disease)

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Re: My mum is suffering breast cancer

Postby TanS » Thu Apr 22, 2010 12:40 pm

Hi Nguyet,

Welcome to the forum, you will find lots of information and tips to help your mum here, and lots of support for you as well. Has your mum been diagnosed recently? If so, then maybe she is still trying to come to terms with it herself, it is a huge shock to hear than you have cancer. It is very scary, and your mind starts going through all the worst case scenarios. Being a mother, your mum probably wants to protect you as much as she can.

Your mum, seeing you as a child is something you may not be able to change. I have a friend who's children are in their 40's and 50's and she still calls them the kids. Could it be a cultural thing that your mum doesnt want to talk about something so private? It could also be just the way she is, a lot of people find talking about things difficult.

My only suggestion is to just be there for her, do what practical things you can. Take her to doctors appointments, help with housework and cooking, pick up prescriptions ect. Try not to be upset if you feel pushed away, your mum is just trying to cope the best she can, and probably trying to protect you as well.

Please come here as much as you want, ask any questions you have, we are here for you both.

:hugs:
Tanya
"Promise me you will always remember:
You're BRAVER than you believe,
and STRONGER than you seem,
and SMARTER than you think."

Christopher Robin said this to Winnie-the-Pooh, written by A. A. Milne in 1926!!

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Re: My mum is suffering breast cancer

Postby Janette » Thu Apr 22, 2010 1:25 am

Hi Nguyet,
Welcome and good that you posted. Often those going through breast cancer try to protect their families, particularly their children from the emotions that go with diagnosis, surgery, and of course treatment.

Everyone has to handle this in their own way I guess. Is there any chance of writing what you wrote here down on a card or a note and leaving it where she will read it. Sometimes we can write our feelings better than we can say them.

Just be there for her, when she does want to let you in on her feelings. :hugs:

I will move this topic to our Partners, family, friends section Nguyet, we do have other members dealing with their Mum's BC there.
Janette


Nguyet
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My mum is suffering breast cancer

Postby Nguyet » Thu Apr 22, 2010 12:33 am

Hello everyone!
My mum is going through the suffering time of breast cancer and it is very hard to discuss or even share with her as she get angry at other people easily. i know that i am always a little child in her eyes. however, being her unique daughter, I really want to help her, want to share with her feeling as well as her thinking. Is there anyone can tell me what I should do to change her point of view of myself and to help her feel better? I want her to know I will be always beside her just only to hold her hand or crying with her.... :( :crybaby:


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