My daughter TanFor has ABC

A place for partners, family and friends to share experiences and information.

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Postby TanS » Sun Sep 27, 2009 3:26 pm

Hello MaccaPoss,

My name is John and I am using my partners membership, her name is Tanya as well. I have been in your position, that is why I wanted to reply to you. My son died of cancer, he had medullarblastoma, which is an aggressive brain tumour. I see you have Pal Care involved, they were invaluable to us during that time. As a parent this is the worst time of your life. I was a father, it was my job to love, protect and keep safe my son. That failure will live with me for the rest of my life. I am honoured that I had this incredible young man in my life even for a short time. It was so difficult to find people you could express your feelings to. My family wanted to put their heads in the sand and pretend everything was going to be fine. Other people told me I was brave and strong. My son was dying, I had nothing in my power to change that. I was helpless and useless. I was not brave or strong. I was an emotional and physical wreck. I put on a brave face for my son. I realise now he was doing the same for me, as young as he was. Western society has a long way to go in the way we deal with dying. I apologise for getting off track. Your daughter is being brave for you, her children and everyone else. I have the utmost respect for her actions after reading her history here. Letting her son live with his father so make the transition easier on him is the ultimate definition of a mothers love. My Tanya has found this site and the women here comforting. My concern is that your situation may be too close to home for some, too scary for others to cope with. You need to be able to express yourself openly and have people listen, not just tell you how brave you are. That leaves you with no choice but to put on that act. Every emotion you feel is right including gut wrenching anger. You should never have to bury your child. Life is not fair. Hold your child for as long as you can and allow her to voice her fears and anger and everything else.

"Promise me you will always remember:
You're BRAVER than you believe,
and STRONGER than you seem,
and SMARTER than you think."

Christopher Robin said this to Winnie-the-Pooh, written by A. A. Milne in 1926!!

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Postby Janette » Sun Sep 27, 2009 3:14 pm

Hi Maccaposs and welcome,
It's lovely that you've joined the forum and to see you post. A very sad time for your family. There are a lot of us here to try to do whatever we can to support you. Feel free to unload or vent when you need too. :hugs: :grouphug:

Dx LCIS Dec 1997, Dx IDC, DCIS, bilateral LCIS Oct 2005 er+pr+her2-
Bilateral Mastectomies, expanders and silicone implants

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My daughter TanFor has ABC

Postby maccaposs » Sun Sep 27, 2009 1:02 pm


I'm 67 and am just retiring to help look after Tanya on her final few months or so. hope to find other to talk to here.


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