Wife just diagnosed ?!?!?

[schoolteacher]

Hi Sammo
So glad to hear you and your wife are making progress with treatment and feeling more in control. I am a little curious about option one if there is lymph node involvement. Surely chemo would be necessary in either option???? I had a lumpectomy and the margins were unclear (something else I didnt know about) so it was suggested I have more tissue removed, I opted for a full mastectomy instead so that I could feel the cancer was ALL gone.
Good luck with your decisions and well done for being such a concerned supportive husband!!! It makes such a difference. My husband was the same..do what is needed to keep you with us. We are lucky women.
Chris

[sammo]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so very much for your lovely words of advise and comfort.

My wife has just visited the specialist and he has given us a few days to consider our options:

Option 1: Lump removal and 6 weeks of radiotherapy in Sydney.
Option 2: Full mastectomy and a period of chemo therapy at home.

Due to the lump being 32mm, he is a little worried about just removing the lump and as there are a few active lymph nodes which he is also concerned about.

Understandably, my wife is hesitant about the full mastectomy, but the longer prognosis seems better. We just want her to be healthier, longer and this seems the best option.

The surgeon is also supportive of my wife having a prostetic implant shortly afterwards, to help with her rehab and self confidence.

Once again, thankyou for your support. We can both see a little light at the end of the tunnel and we feel like we are no longer in the dark on this issue. Fingers crossed.

[sue2211]

Hi Sammo
You have every right to feel angry and sad at your wife's diagnosis. Once you learn what her treatment will be, most people just seem to get on with it. The women on this forum are wonderful and full of fantastic advice. Visit often, and ask questions or vent whenever you need. I also encourage your wife to visit us when she's ready. Best of luck in the coming months. I was diagnosed last February and am starting to get my life back to how it once was.
sue x

[Gail]

Sammo, it is a very frightening time for you all. And as is often the case it will be information overload on a subject you knew nothing about before that lump appeared. It seems dire now, but once treatment is finished and her hair grows back, life goes on and we are all different in which chemo etc we have, but it's not a death sentence, she will get through it and you will be able to resume normal family life. My nodes were also stuck together and 17 of 25 positive and I am still doing fine 3 years on. Keep strong.

[jayem]

Hello Sammo,

The one thing I would like to say to you is that there is no right or wrong way to deal with a diagnosis of breast cancer. You will both do whatever it takes, but there is no rule book.

Be prepared for a great deal of waiting around... for appointments... results... treatment plans... treatment.

Accept whatever help your family and friends want to give you, particularly if they want to supply you with meals for those times when you are both too tired to be bothered cooking.

Most of all, call in here often and ask whatever you don't understand. You have probably worked out already that we are quite a verbose lot and very happy to share our knowledge and experiences.

Good luck to you both.

[warpgirl]

Sammo, a welcome from me too - so pleased you found us and best wishes to your wife as she enters into the whirlwind of surgery and treatment.

In answer to your question 'how do we prepare ourselves for this?' I think the answer is nobody really can - you just get pitched right into the middle of it and learn how to deal with it as you go. Once you get a treatment plan things, many of us found that things really do start to calm down - you know what to expect and what you have to do next rather than being completely at sea.

All the best to both of you and your girls.

Regards
Helen

[Belinda]

Hey sammo - you NEVER need to worry abut seeming glass half full here - firstly, you don't come across that way at all, and secondly - even if you did - that would be understandable! So, come here whenever you like, and you'll find great support even when you're feeling totally miseable! Bx

[sammo]

WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you to everyone for your kind words.

I must admit to shedding a tear, reading all the words of encouragements.

Reading back my opening post and it did read extremely negative, but the C word does that you I guess.

I am so glad I found this forum and fingers crossed, I can too give a positive outlook to others in a similar situation.

Again, I wish to day a massive "thankyou".

I want to see a light at the end of tunnel, but it is hard to be a "glass half full" kind of guy right now.

Hugs and kisses to everyone.

[sue15]

Hi Sammo - I had exactly the same diagnosis as your wife late last June and my operation was scheduled for August - in fact it is 6 months plus one day since I had my mastectomy and TRAM flap reconstruction. I'm a little older than your wife though (I'm 49). The past 6 months have just been a whirlwind of doctors' visits, surgery, chemo and more chemo sessions but as everyone says, it is managable. I couldn't believe my diagnosis - I felt well, I was busy with work, Rotary Club activities and family, I had no inkling there was a problem - thank goodness for BreastScreen, I say. I'm sure you and your wife will cope - its amazing the strength you find within yourself. As the other ladies say, this is a great place to come if you are feeling down or feeling good or have questions or just want to chat - I don't send too many messages, but I read them all. Its good to know that what you are feeling is normal (or not, so you should do something about it). Please stay in touch and encourage your wife to do so too - it really helps.

[lesleydonna]

Hi Sammo,

ditto to what all the others have said. I was dxd originally almost five years ago, the thing to remember with breast cancer is this, it is not always a death sentence and even if you do have an agressive cancer, it does not move quickly as some cancers do and treatments are very effective. I now have stage four cancer (terminal) and even so, i know that im not going to die tomorrow or even next month or next year maybe. It is very scary, that time from the diagnosis through to surgery,and finding out about treatment etc, but you have some great treatments on your side. Many of the women on this site and many others have gone on to live a long time after diagnosis.

Your wifes fears are very common, and we all go through the sorting out of our lives, then when we realise that we are not going just yet, we fall back into something like normality.

I understand your fears too, it is sometimes worse for our families than for us. The thought of losing your wife and having children to raise on your own is unbearable, and im sorry that you have found yourself in this situation.

Being positive without dismissing your wifes fears is a good place to begin, then being supportive as she goes through any treatment that she may have to have is great.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted.

[Janette]

Hi Sammo,
Yes take a deep breathe and don't plan to spend life without her yet. Treatments are effective and only getting better and better. Wills are a good idea at anytime.

It will be a roller coaster ride with treatments for a while but there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is plenty of support for you both here.

[cheryl]

Sammo, welcome and I can only reiterate what the others have said. wish your wife good luck in her journey.

[schoolteacher]

Welcome Sammo
Hugs to you, your wife and family. You are starting on a frightening, arduous journey but by supporting each other you will get through! I was diagnosed in October 2008 and it was like having the rug pulled out from under my feet. I went from expecting a few eeks off work for minor surgery to a 2nd sugery to remove my breast and 6 rounds of chemo (4 done 2 to go) It is a scary, emotional time but there is so much knowledge out there now and so many new treatments there is always hope. So many women recover and live long productive lives.
After surgery the pathology results with determine the treatment plan (make sure you get a copy of the results) I am Her2 ++and from what I read that was bad news a few years back but now we have Herceptin which is very reassuing for me. Hang in there and stay in touch
Chris

[jezza]

Just sending a quick hug to your wife from me!

Jezza (diagnosed 17 years ago and doing well)

[Belinda]

Hi Sammo

You are right where my family and I were exactly 2 years ago...I know how scared you and your wife must be.

I want to say this. I had high grade (grade 2), stage 2b cancer, and on the day of my diagnosis found out it was in several places in my breast as well as at least one node mass (any of that sound familiar)?

I felt like my world was crashing down, my (they 4yo) daughter would grow up motherless, and I went into a frenzy of cleaning out stuff and taking photos...lots of us have been there, crying the whole time. For weeks.

I had surgery to remove the cancer and the nodes, and chemo, radiation, and because I was HER2, I had herceptin. (You will find out what treatment your wife will have). After surgery I found out that I had 6 (out of 19) cancerous nodes, and a huge tumour plus a few smaller ones.

Exactly 2 years later - well, slightly longer even, I am extremely well, (ok, a bit fatter than I'd like, but full of beans otherwise). I had scans that showed - on xmas eve - that I have no sign of cancer in my body, and I am feeling very hopeful about life, my family is well, we are getting on with our rennos (deferred during treatment), I have just been promoted at work, and feel like life is good. I have mostly stopped doing "getting ready for death" stuff (like not buying things because my family might need the money more than the thing - eg airconditioning - if I die). I am always going to have a lurking fear, but as time goes on I manage this better and better. And I now really feel that I have many good years ahead.

You and your wife will get through this too. Just take it a step at a time, and remember to breath deeply. It's not an easy journey but it is a doable one. Some of the things your wife is doing would be good to do anyway - photos, cleaning out, wills...it's just a reminder of how good it is to do them!

I am glad you have both found us so soon.

Bx