single parents

A place for partners, family and friends to share experiences and information.

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Gail
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Postby Gail » Sat May 03, 2008 7:26 pm

I'm another single mum to a 16 year old son, heaven help me, it's now like living with the ex all over again! My ex has remarried and I hate the fact that she is in the house I built, not him, it was all me and has all my photos (some topless from when I was younger!!!) to my cookbooks and toiletries. I would'nt mind if she was a decent woman but she is a nightmare, has been so dreadful to my son that now he won't visit his dad anymore. He gets on the phone down the back of the block and talks to me about her! Anyhow I met a wonderful man ( I thought) who cared for me beautfully through my bc treatment and as soon as I finished before I'd even started radiation took off for Manilla to live. I spent so much money during the 3 years together supporting him and his son while he tried every scheme under the sun other than work for a normal wage, my family would just die if they knew how much. Now I am back working full time, trying to work off the credit card debt. I thought I was an intelligent women who would never be a fool, but hey we are only human. I have wonderful sisters and friends who support me so I am loved, but I just I missed my partner terribly but now over a year on now I feel good about myself and my life. I regret what it cost me financially, but he was very caring to me which helped so much when I was sick so I just have to focus on that.

I will be very wary of any man in the future, I just went for it because I am 54 now and thought I will let him move in with me and share our life because love does'nt come easily at my age, but now I would make sure I met someone who is not only a good person but who is financially secure, it's just not worth it. The only thing is now my girlfriend and I feel the single scene is full of the people that are still there 4 years on from when we were there last, hate it. So now we just go for breakfast or dinners and shows, not likely to meet anyone doing that but pretty much over it all now. I feel this has been quite a therapy session for all of us! Gail

Linda M
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time heals

Postby Linda M » Sat May 03, 2008 6:25 pm

Hi Leanne

I totally agree with Cheryl's comments.

It is now 3 1/2 years since I left my ex-husband. His next Partner is in the process of leaving him now.

You don't need the stress, material things really don't matter in the end, your health is what is important.

Pain is exacerbated by emotions, it is not good for you.

See a Psychologist and talk through the issues, it really does help.

Be kind to yourself, treat yourself to something nice

Take one day at a time, don't dwell on the past or the future, just enjoy the moment

Take care
Linda

CP
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Postby CP » Sat May 03, 2008 10:45 am

Hi Leanne.

I had the same problem a few years ago. My now ex-husband took someone to our caravan & I only found out as she left something behind.
Like you, I was devastated & was obsessed with the situation for a long time.
All I can tell you is it gets better with time. The stress it is causing you would be impacting on your health, & you certainly don't need that.
Maybe you should talk to someone. Ask your doctor as recently I was told that there is medicare funded access to a pyschologist if referred by a GP.
My employee paid for me to see a pyschologist during the period after my separation & it definately helped.


CP (Cheryle) :hugs:

skippy_1
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Postby skippy_1 » Fri May 02, 2008 6:42 pm

i have been in a lot of pain with my back last couple of weeks and i have found that i havent been dealing with my feelings about my separated husband very well. it has all got too much for me and i tend to be obsessing about it and wanting answers which he will never give me. the other day i found out he took his girlfriend and her son to our shack(someone saw them) and told me . should i be hurt and upset i know it was inevitable but i just cant stand the thought that he took her there to half my stuff. i think shes a cow for going there . i know he half owns it but morally it doesnt seem right. not that any of this is so why would i expect him to change now!
sorry im just feeling sorry for myself because i have a lot on my plate at the moment.
leannex

Shell225
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Postby Shell225 » Wed Apr 16, 2008 12:13 am

I know for me as a single mum for the past 8 years getting out is a major hurdle. I tend to get together with girlfirends, we put all our kids in the house with some good videos and sit outside and have a few drinks together once or twice a month.

Over time I have made some male friends (not of the sexual kind) and we often invite them to our drinkie sessions too, and to other stuff we do.. ie the Trivial Pursuit Night. I find that in some respects they do fill the gap, you get that male conversation, hugs and a few laughs. I hope that oneday I might actually get introduced to a few of their eligible mates. :pmsl:

For me on a personal level I'm still feeling a bit unsure about the whole dating thing. I guess its just another hurdle we will all have to jump in time. I suppose that I'm not comfortable about rehashing the BC thing for a prospective person, not to mention dealing with what their reaction may be to my scars.

I have been fortunate enough to have had a very special person who came into my life and helped me feel alot more comfortable about myself. Although we are no longer seeing each other in that way now, we are still very close friends. I guess I'm trying to say that their are guys out there who dont care about our scars, our BC, or our baggage. Its just difficult... isn't it.

:hugs: :hugs: Michelle
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. Robert Brault
DxMay06 3cm IDC 5/15nodes ER+
2xlumpectomy
4xAC 4xTaxol 30 rad

skippy_1
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Postby skippy_1 » Tue Apr 15, 2008 11:20 am

hi linda
yes i think a man is gonna go for a casual affair no matter what the baggage is after all hes a man!!!
pretty cynical hey! i cant be bothered really with a relationship at this stage i just want to feel that someone wants me. My husband walkd out on me so my confidence and self esteem is very low. i would just like a bit of a boost in that area.
leanne x

Linda M
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New Partner

Postby Linda M » Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:46 pm

Hi Skippy

I fully relate to your comment that "who would want my kids and me with Cancer"

I have been by myself for 3 1/2 years now, I have not been out with anyone since I left my dead marriage.

Mostly because I have no energy left after sorting the kids out, work and looking after my health. There are times I think it would be nice, but in reality I really don't have the time or energy to give a relationship.

MAYBE JUST GOING OUT ONE OR TWO NIGHTS A MONTH WOULD BE NICE!!!

Do you think there are any guys out there who would be interested in a casual affair with a woman with baggage???

What are your thoughts?

Linda

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chrismelb
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Postby chrismelb » Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:12 pm

Also don't be in a hurry to get a new partner. Discover yourself first. I'm loving not having my hubby around.
You'll get there
Take care
Dx 9/03 EBC
5/12 ABC bones-Herceptin,Tamox&Zometa
8/12 Liver mets-Abraxane,Herceptin&Zometa
6/13 Xeloda/Tykerb Xgeva
11/14 TDM1 Xgeva
1/15 Rads to tumour in head
2/16 Whole brain rads lepto. mets, continue TDM1
8/16. Navelbine, Herceptin
1/17 Neratanib Xeloda & Herceptin.

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jay66
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Postby jay66 » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:37 pm

Skippy thats not true, you just don't know what is around the corner. With going out and doing tx you never know who you will meet. Enjoy your kids and let life happen. :hugs: :hugs:
Life, Live it.

Dx 7/07 DCIS 2cm, IDC 1.8cm, multifocal. Grade 2/3. 0/7 Nodes. Vascular Lymph Invasion. ER/PR- Her2 +++ under reconstrution lat flap, expanders. C cup

skippy_1
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Postby skippy_1 » Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:00 pm

hi
i just wondered how am i ever going find someone else that wants to take on 4 kids and me with cancer. its a bit depressing. i keep think my horrible husband got someone else mind you before he left and hes no oil painting but either is she. but who will want me with my problems everyone would run a mile. sorry to wallow.
leanne xx

Shell225
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Postby Shell225 » Sun Mar 30, 2008 5:50 pm

Christine,

I found that I worried terribly about Marianna if something should happen to me. Fortunately as our children get older, they are actually listened to by the courts. I know that my will stipulates who I want her to live with. Marianna hasn't seen her father since she was 5.. his choice, and one I'll never be able to understand.

I too find the whole babysitting a challenge.. mainly because I dont want everyone knowing all my business. I find that asking family, they all want to have a little discussion and gossip about who I'm seeing.. and then think its ok to share their views with me.... :roll:

I manage to get out about 3 times a year... wooo hooo... not.... I must admit that as Marianna is getting older, I am able to leave her for an hour or two at home, and just pop out for a cuppa with friends. But its hard, and you can never switch off.

Michelle
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. Robert Brault

DxMay06 3cm IDC 5/15nodes ER+

2xlumpectomy

4xAC 4xTaxol 30 rad

cas145
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Postby cas145 » Sat Mar 29, 2008 5:14 pm

Yes unfortunatly there are a few of us who have had bad relationships but the one good thing now is we have each other and our children I am also just at the end of the phone if any of you need a chat b#*#h any time just PM me your number or ask for mine. :hugs: Cas

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chrismelb
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Postby chrismelb » Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:47 pm

I am newly a single parent too. Interesting reading you other girls as a few of you mentioned things in common with me. i have an 8yo daughter. The hardest thing i am finding is i haven't got a babysitter on hand! My marriage has been dead for years and i actually said to a couple of friends in Sept 2003, that if my biopsy turned out to be cancer that i would leave hubby. So it has just taken a few years of trying to stick at it but realising that i'll never be satisfied. Also, the stress levels would bring back the BC. I have always done EVERYTHING so i am really not missing his input/lack of at all.
I do worry that if i get sick again that i will have noone really closeby who really will help. My sisters live over the other side of town and i have friends here, but i don't think i would get much help from them. Luckily my best friend is moving back to Melb so hopefully she will be available if need be. But the thought of me dying and leaving Sam's care to my X is very scary.
Dx 9/03 EBC
5/12 ABC bones-Herceptin,Tamox&Zometa
8/12 Liver mets-Abraxane,Herceptin&Zometa
6/13 Xeloda/Tykerb Xgeva
11/14 TDM1 Xgeva
1/15 Rads to tumour in head
2/16 Whole brain rads lepto. mets, continue TDM1
8/16. Navelbine, Herceptin
1/17 Neratanib Xeloda & Herceptin.

Shell225
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Postby Shell225 » Sat Mar 29, 2008 9:45 am

Hello Ladies,

I'm a single mum too, I've been on my own for 9 years now my DD Marianna is about to turn 13. I have found that I rely very heavily on a couple of friends, and feel incredibly blessed to have them in my life.

If you guys ever want to chat, or just touch base with someone do PM. I'm always awake... truly I am... so don't ever worry about the time.

Michelle
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. Robert Brault

DxMay06 3cm IDC 5/15nodes ER+

2xlumpectomy

4xAC 4xTaxol 30 rad

skippy_1
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Postby skippy_1 » Sat Mar 29, 2008 9:16 am

hi all,
remember me ? i am new at this single life since nov07 after 26 years marriage been with the the wank@@er since i was 16. Anyway although it has brought me so much stress and heartache by him leaving there is a relief too if that makes sense. i just wish i could push a fast forward button and have him totally out of my life. i hate him so much i know thats nasty and its taken me till now to be able to say it because i didnt hate him before. i wouldnt have him back if he was the last man on earth. (not that he wants to come back) Anyway didint want to go on about all this just wanted to say i am here for all of you and will need to draw on your experiences too. you know most what i hate he is still in the local area and i always seem to see his car when i have to go out it stuffs my whole day. wish he lived on another planet!!!! i also wish i could push a rewind button and when i sed spose to him asking me out i should have sed no all those years ago!! i know we will all find someone eventually and i think we would be pretty unlucky to get someone worse than what we had if you dont mind me saying so. so things can only get better!! take care and be happy leannexx :roo:


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