tamoxefin and my wife

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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby Janette » Fri Aug 07, 2015 9:08 pm

Barney
I'm afraid this is moving beyond the scope of a BC Forum. I do hope that whatever happens is best for you all.
Janette


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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby schoolteacher » Fri Aug 07, 2015 8:30 pm

Barnie your pain is obvious in your posts. It would appear that there is more to this situation than medication and treatment.
It's good that you are seeking counselling and support for your sake. It is unfortunate that your your wife wont attend with you. I hope she agrees in time for the sake of the children and that you can make peace; together or apart. :hugs:
Last edited by schoolteacher on Sat Aug 08, 2015 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby barnierubble » Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:57 pm

ruth, i am seeing a counsellor and pychologist. but my wife refuses to see anyone with me. she says its all me and nothing wrong with her.

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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby ruth1 » Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:50 pm

Barnie, it sounds now like you have already separated. If that is the case it may well be there is more going on here than drug side effects. It is not my place to pry into your personal business and the state of your relationship but it may be that you should seek some counselling in order to navigate your way through this. As adults, even with serious illness, it is the best interests of the children that are paramount and they must be suffering if there is conflict and illness as well. It sounds like a serious situation that requires professional help. Perhaps you could approach counselling as a couple if that is appropriate.
Dx IDC 2cm grade 3 ER/PR pos. DCIS grade 3, fam hist metastatic BC. Bi lat mastectomy, FEC x 4, surgical revision pending. AI x 5 yrs Femara

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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby barnierubble » Fri Aug 07, 2015 6:42 pm

thanks ruth, the more i look into it, the more i fear she is on the extreme end of all these symptoms. i spoke to the gp and of course he wont tell me anything. for crying out loud for the sake of my wife and family they wont admit anything because of patient confidentiality. is there anyone else who can tell me about their marriage and the effects on hubby? she wont let me see my children 13 and 10yr old girls. wont talk to me says she doesnt want to be personal on emails.
what is it going to take to get her to listen to others?? signing off desparately seeking my family back.

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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby ruth1 » Fri Aug 07, 2015 8:29 am

Barnie, I am on a different drug but it does the same job. I have had and continue to have many issues with depression, anxiety, lack of sleep, irrational behavior, extreme fatigue, anger and temper flareups. Sounds a bit like your wife. All of this comes from the lack oestrogen in my body. I have to have this drug as my tumours were 100% oestrogen positive. I am not easy to live with and often hate myself these days. I am very aware of my issues and am under the care of a psychiatrist attached to the cancer centre and this has helped enormously. Most days I wake up feeling like I have flu and a bad hangover as well. It doesn't sound like much but I can say that it makes life very difficult to live every day feeling so awful. Having to work on top of this in a demanding job would be challenging to say the least.

How to fix this is a hard question - I think start with the Onc and also find help from the cancer centre with a psychologist and then perhaps a psychiatrist if drug treatment is required. Cancer is such an unkind business as there is much to contend with such as drug side effects that really impinge on all concerned. I think its great that you are such a caring husband and you've researched and found this forum seeking answers. We welcome you here and very happy to try and help.

I live with my 17 yr old daughter and that's a daily battle ground which I am trying very hard to manage. I have spoken to her and explained that I get so over it all that I can flare up and then feel very bad after it. We have discussed the things that cause me to lose it and are now managing those things to stop the fuel the starts the fire. I am so tired by the end of the day that its all I can do to cook the meal, clean up and go to bed. If I was married and having the sleep problems that I am - I would maybe trial sleeping in separate rooms for a while. I find the days after a bad night almost impossible. The drugs given to me for depression have helped with sleep and things round here have improved greatly over the last year.

I hope some of this might help you. You haven't said where you are - we have a small group here in Sydney and we meet up for lunches and laughs which helps us all with our problems too.
Dx IDC 2cm grade 3 ER/PR pos. DCIS grade 3, fam hist metastatic BC. Bi lat mastectomy, FEC x 4, surgical revision pending. AI x 5 yrs Femara

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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby Janette » Thu Aug 06, 2015 11:05 pm

Hi Barnie and welcome.

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Unfortunately BC treatments can affect hormone levels. Menopause or Peri Menopause can have some strong effects on wellbeing too. Just a possibility, at 48.

Some ladies have found changing brand of Tamoxifen has helped when they have had problems with the drug. I don't recall anyone mentioning similar symptoms. I hope things work out ok for you both.
Janette




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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby The new girl » Thu Aug 06, 2015 11:01 pm

:wave: going through treatment is a tough road,I had a lumpectomy as well then chemo and rads,I am on a different drug to your wife it's called Femara,they do come with different side effects but so hard if your wife is not aware of them,hard on you and the kids,but so touching to see you looking for advice.wishing you all the best,stay in touch with the forum so you can hopefully get some different views
Rosa

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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby barnierubble » Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:51 pm

dear new girl, she had lumpectomy , then chemo, then radiation. i was NOT prepared for the chemo part, nor were our daughters, v hard for our then 8yr old. she is not aware at all..an this is something i read on another forum also.no she wasnt angry about goign thru the whole procedure. and i am not sure if the drug bring early menapause is effecting her. thats why i am on this forum trying to make sense of whats going on. thanks heaps

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Re: tamoxefin and my wife

Postby The new girl » Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:46 pm

:wave: hi barierubble,so sorry to hear about these extreme side effects your wife is going through,is she concerned about what's going on or is she not aware? It's so nice of you to try and seek advice for her,I hope others will contribute,I have never heard of these symptoms,could it be she is just angry about what she has had to go through? What treatment did your wife receive?
Rosa

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tamoxefin and my wife

Postby barnierubble » Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:38 pm

i am the husband of someone who had breast cancer 2.5yrs ago at 46. she has been on tamoxefin for this time, and in the last year has been exhibiting varying behaviours. moods swings, extreme emotional swings, anger, depression. 7wks ago she told me to get out of the house after 15yrs marriage. she has been cautioned for abusing patients at the hospital she works at. i dont know whats going on..i have read in other forums similar situations. please help


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