My MUM my bestfriend

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debman
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Re: My MUM my bestfriend

Postby debman » Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:18 pm

, . Stopped taking tamoxifen in December 2012 after 18 months due to debilitating SEs.

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Janette
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Re: My MUM my bestfriend

Postby Janette » Tue Apr 24, 2012 7:44 pm

My surgeon didn't speak to me after surgery for mastectomy from memory but his registrars did and I think that is often the case under Public Health. As a private patient the surgeon generally visits you in this state anyway.
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schoolteacher
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Re: My MUM my bestfriend

Postby schoolteacher » Tue Apr 24, 2012 7:30 pm

Waiting for answers is the worst part of this journey. That feeling of losing control of your life and the rug being pulled out from under your feet. Especially if you've always been healthy. It is a huge shock. It felt like a dream for me until after surgery. Then still didn't know what the future held until I received pathology results. I had a lumpectomy and radiation was talked about. The margins came back unclear so a second surgery was planned with the possibility of a third. I requested a mastectomy at that point. When pathology results all came in I was then faced with chemo as I was Her2+. I had to learn so much so quickly so that I understood decisions being made and felt as if I had some control.
My first thoughts were "how do I tell my daughters?" that was the hardest part or me. I had my husband field phone calls till I knew more and had my head around it. This forum helped me know what questions to ask and reassured me that a BC diagnosis is not an automatic death sentence. Most people lead long, full lives afterwards. The statistics are very high. I am 3 and a half years on now. :v_happy: just be there for mum when you can as you are being. If she can use computers, encourage her to join us here. We will help her (and you) through this :hugs:

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Re: My MUM my bestfriend

Postby jezza » Tue Apr 24, 2012 6:36 pm

I find it a bit unusual that the surgeon didn't speak to you or your mum after the op. Of course you have to wait for path. results but a few words from a surgeon can be very comforting.

One thing most of us learn after being diagnosed with breast cancer is to be more assertive. I have not been happy with surgeons when I was younger and now ask questions or leave messages for them to ring. My surgeon kept me informed and also rang my husband straight after my mastectomy.

Does your mum have a breast care nurse? Most of them are wonderful.

jezza
Dx Jan. 1992 9mm Grade 3 IDC node neg. LB mast. Prophylactic RB mast. 6 months later. No chemo. No rads. Saline implants. 22 years NED. (No Evidence of Disease)

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Re: My MUM my bestfriend

Postby HillyandJane » Tue Apr 24, 2012 3:36 pm

Thank you all for making me feel reassured.

My mother has not spoken to her surgeon or been advised of what happened during surgery e.g the size of the lump, is this normal? Will she just find everything out with her results?

The unknown is scary, think she is more scared of them putting her under again than having the op.
Either way I am with her all the way.

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Re: My MUM my bestfriend

Postby kiwijan » Tue Apr 24, 2012 2:48 pm

just wanted to add my "welcome to you" :hugs:
Stage 1; Grade 11; bc. ER/PR positive; lumpectomy and rads. Finished 5yrs of tamoxifen on 1/11/10

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Janette
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Re: My MUM my bestfriend

Postby Janette » Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:53 pm

Hi and welcome to the forum.
We are all different and some of us like to talk and others don't. It is a very scary time and Mum is probably still coming to terms with the diagnosis.

Most of us get back to a normal life after some surgery and treatment and hopefully Mum will be the same. We are forever altered by the experience but that can be in positive way.

Your Mum is lucky to have such great support from you, we are here to support you both.
Janette




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Re: My MUM my bestfriend

Postby JudyB » Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:47 pm

I don't think there is anything that I can say to stop you worrying and thinking the worst but be assured that you certainly shouldn't just assume that this is the end of the road for your mother. As Jezza said it does become a little easier after the operation and when you have the pathology results so you know where you stand and what needs to be done. Even though the treatment can be harsh you feel like you are doing something and it is very doable. Hopefully your mum will only need the lumpectomy and maybe some radiotherapy.

I wish your mother all the best, I know I was devestated to learn I needed a mastectomy but I did it and 2.5 years on I am doing well. Hang in there and just remember what your mother needs is to be treated as you normally would. Don't try and fix things for her just let her know you are there if she needs you and then continue on being the daughter you have always been. I had a friend whose wife was ill with cancer and they had a very large group of friends, family and acquaintances who were all eager to know what was going on. He found that sending a generic email every so often was the easiest way and kept everyone happy. Maybe this is something you can look at once your mother knows what is happening.

Good luck to you both :hugs:

Judy
DX Sep 09, LB mast with axillary diss. Grd 2 Ductal Carc. 50mm diam. Margins clear. 1/13 nodes. OR+ PR+, HER2- . FEC x 3, Taxotere x 3, RADS x 30, Tamoxifen, DIEP reconstruction April 2011, Femara 2013, Oophorectomy 2013.

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Re: My MUM my bestfriend

Postby jezza » Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:29 pm

I think we would all agree that this time is the hardest. I was the same as your mum....didn't want to talk to anyone or discuss it with anyone. It really turns your life upside down and feels like its happening to someone else...

If your mum just had a lumpectomy I'm guessing that the lump wasn't overly large? Don't be too alarmed if they don't get clear margins and have to operate again....not what you want but better to be sure.

I was a complete mess while waiting for results but as everyone here will tell you when you have your treatment plan you just take it one step at a time...no choice really. We have all been through it so ask anything you want. No question is silly here.

Hugs to you both

jezza
Dx Jan. 1992 9mm Grade 3 IDC node neg. LB mast. Prophylactic RB mast. 6 months later. No chemo. No rads. Saline implants. 22 years NED. (No Evidence of Disease)

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My MUM my bestfriend

Postby HillyandJane » Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:41 am

Hi all I joined this forum in hope of finding other daughters or just some general advise on how to deal with my feelings of watching such a vibrant fun loving woman be eaten alive by this terrible disease.

My mother was diagnosed about a month ago and had a lumpectomy 4 days ago, we are now in the process of waiting for the results to see if the surgeon will need to re-operate or if treatment can begin.

My mum is a 59 year old woman and hasn't been through surgery in 30 years so this operation really took it out of her mentally and physically, and she didn't come out of recovery very well. This has left her very scared in anticipation of getting her results hoping there will not be the need to re-operate.

I have 7 children of my own and live 20 minutes away so can't be there all the time to help her with daily tasks or just some general company. We are on the phone all the time and try to call in to see her any moment we can. She isn't really interested in communicating with friends and doesn't want visitors and constant questions, some people want to know every detail.

Any advise on how others coped or helped would be greatly appreciated or just some general advise on how to help deal with the next steps would be great. The unknown is ever so frightening and that is for me never mind my poor mother.

You never understand the true meaning behind cancer until you are effected by it.


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