Wish my Mum wasn't sick

A place for partners, family and friends to share experiences and information.

angel33
Superstar
Superstar
Posts: 1388
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:35 am
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby angel33 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:38 pm

Together we can make a difference....together we support each other as bc affects everyone!
Many of us see bc from the other side....your posts help us too.
Any insight from different perspectives help us in our lives!
Im glad this site helps you......
:grouphug:
EBC 1997, bony mets Dec 2000, liver mets april 2007, chemo since

trish.ca71
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby trish.ca71 » Wed Sep 07, 2011 8:34 pm

Thanks for your support and stories. It sure does help. I feel stupid complaining. I am not the one with the illness. It is just hard. 2009 my BF was sick and now Mum. Learning to live BF's illness, now learning to live with Mum's as well as being supportive to Dad. Then there is my illnesses. I sure got my plate full.

I know that I am not alone in this and coming here does help when I do feel alone, when people around me couldn't possibly understand what this is like unless they have been through it and are healthy themselves. Hopefully they will never have to find out what it is like.

Reliving Mum's experiences as this time last year she was in hospital waiting for her hip replacement. It surely was an ordeal. These kinds of things stay with you forever. Try not to focus on the bad stuff but it is hard when there are always reminders. See Mum was diagnosed 25 August, her birthday, then 26 August is Daffodil Day and am due to get reminded in October when it is Breast Cancer Month. It is good to have alot of awareness which could possibly help in alot of ways. Its just sometimes I feel like I am in the Cancer zone. Can only imagine what it is like when one actually has the illness.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my rantings especially when you have your own battles. You are amazing. :)

User avatar
Janette
Forum Legend
Posts: 15776
Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2006 10:23 am
Contact:

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby Janette » Sat Aug 27, 2011 3:05 pm

I guess I do know a little of how you might feel. I watched my father lose his mind and every day was about how Dad was, and life feels very much out of our control. He passed away from a brain tumour and life still is based around dealing with his hoardings and stuff but hopefully that will be dealt with soon.

I don't think there is an easy answer, just let off steam when you can and try to relish the good times with your Mum. I found just having a meal with Dad at the table minus the rantings he really had no control over was something I appreciated. :hugs:
Janette


User avatar
Gail
Forum Legend
Posts: 8163
Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 5:20 pm
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby Gail » Sat Aug 27, 2011 11:50 am

trish, vent away here, it must be very difficult for all concerned. :grouphug:
"You Gotta Laugh!"

Gail


Diagnosed April 2006,Lumpectomy,17 of 25 nodes positive, chemo, radiation. Finished treatment March 07
Diagnosed July 2012 cancer of mediastinal(nodes around lungs and heart)pelvis and spine. Up for the fight!

User avatar
kiwijan
Forum Queen
Forum Queen
Posts: 2398
Joined: Wed Dec 26, 2007 9:41 am
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby kiwijan » Sat Aug 27, 2011 5:43 am

It is really hard to offer you any suggestions as sadly there really isnt any. I am 70 yrs old and understand what a "tie" it must feel like to be there for your Mum. I often felt I put my daughter through the same as you are going through. She accompanied me to radiation once and was not happy until they took her into the actual room and showed her the rads. machine etc. She got truely involved. However; since all my treatment is over; she has never mentioned the word cancer to me again. Obviously relieved its all over for me and her. However; in your case; your Mum is so much worse off than I was and it is and will be a long and tiresome journey for her and yourself. I hope "venting" here on the forum helps you a little. :hugs: :hugs:
Stage 1; Grade 11; bc. ER/PR positive; lumpectomy and rads. Finished 5yrs of tamoxifen on 1/11/10

trish.ca71
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby trish.ca71 » Sat Aug 27, 2011 2:49 am

I know Mum would rather not have the cancer and the pain. I know it sounds selfish but I am sick of cancer. Mum's birthday yesterday and our conversation ended up being about her illness for part of the day. Guess it was to be expected when she was diagnosed and in hospital 12 months ago.

It has been 12 months of living with it. Mum's fears, anxietys and the works. It is hard work for her and hard work for family. I truly am exhausted.

I sound awful but I have just been carrying alot mentally. I am frustrated with the rest of the family. Dad is doing his best and on his own, no wonder he gets upset. I know he can be a pain in the a#rse but at least he tries and has stuck by Mum. It would have been easier for him to take off.

I am so worried all the time, no antidepressant can fix this. Is there going to be any peace for Mum. Is there going to be a day where she isn't going to be sitting in her room waiting to die. This is not living... :(

trish.ca71
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby trish.ca71 » Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:03 am

More pain. Mum tells the doctor her pain is kind of being controlled and he suggests she takes the panadol osteo for the breakthrough but they aren't doing anything and guess what she stops taking them. Now she is talking my ear off, only after calling me several times today when I am trying to do things!!! Oh thats right my Mum is dying, have to treasure every painful moment.

trish.ca71
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby trish.ca71 » Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:30 pm

Thanks for that. Didn't realise that the constipation would cause some lower back pain. Doctor came today and is currently continuing with the pain meds as he didn't want to zonk her out and suggested she try the panadol osteo again. I don't think she was completely straight with the doc about her pain. It looks like the doc and the community nurse are on board and will be visiting her on a regular basis for which I am pleased. Mum and Dad know that if the pain isn't being adequately controlled that they can get assistance. Mum was taking movicol but seems to be managing without it at the moment. Mum is worried about taking the strong painkillers, so we will see how she goes on them for now. Mum can be a bit stubborn but I guess if it gets too bad, something can be done. Guess it is up to her and how much she can handle - so hard.

Crystalady
Forum Queen
Forum Queen
Posts: 2251
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:52 pm
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby Crystalady » Tue Aug 02, 2011 2:08 pm

Trish, I also take the 12hrly oxycontin but I always have breakthrough pain and need to take 2 endone as well. As long as I take the endone as soon as the pain starts I'm fine. If I wait it's a lot harder to get it back under control. You may find that she needs to take movichol so that she isn't too constipated which also causes pain in the lower back area. You can get the movichol at your local chemist.

I have heard that the patches can cause problems too, nausea etc.

:hugs: Sandra
First diagnosed in Dec 1998. Thyroid cancer 2006. Thought I was free and clear after 10 years but no, mets in spine in Dec 2008. Femara stopped working October 2010.Was on Aromasin and zometa. Now taking Xeloda and Zometa.Xeloda not working Dec 2011. Tamoxifen started. Feb 2012 Now on Abraxane.

User avatar
Gail
Forum Legend
Posts: 8163
Joined: Sat May 05, 2007 5:20 pm
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby Gail » Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:25 am

I feel so much for you all as you are all under so much stress and your mum suffering pain as well. She has probably been putting up with your dads behavior for years so it is probably nothing new to her the way he acts. It was probably nothing to do with the rain that sent him off, he is probably so frustrated and angry with the position he finds himself in and worries for the future also. I do hope you can get some practical advise on how to make everyone more at peace. :hugs:
"You Gotta Laugh!"

Gail


Diagnosed April 2006,Lumpectomy,17 of 25 nodes positive, chemo, radiation. Finished treatment March 07
Diagnosed July 2012 cancer of mediastinal(nodes around lungs and heart)pelvis and spine. Up for the fight!

trish.ca71
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby trish.ca71 » Tue Aug 02, 2011 2:27 am

:hugs: back to you. Thanks I hope so too. I went and saw the community nurse and filled her in. I hope I didn't spill my guts too much, but they need to know certain things I feel, otherwise I don't think they will be equiped to help them. I hope I have done the right thing.

Mum was going ok today. Think she overdid it walking around today as this evening she was in a great deal of pain, in her left foot. She was in agony and had only taken her pain killer (slow release) 10 minutes prior. The thing with Mum is she lets her pain build and this is why I though the regular Oxycontin, 1 in the morning and 1 in the evening might improve the relief but it doesn't appear to be doing so. She is already on 150mcg patches too. I talked to the community nurse about this and she told me she would talk to the doctor about this and other things we talked about. There has to be a better way to keep her comfy.

Been a long, long day.

Much love. :angel:

User avatar
LuvMyLab
Superstar
Superstar
Posts: 1128
Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2010 5:29 pm
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby LuvMyLab » Mon Aug 01, 2011 11:27 pm

Trish, I just wanted to send you a big hug :hugs: I hope things settle down for you all.

trish.ca71
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Wish my Mum wasn't sick

Postby trish.ca71 » Sun Jul 31, 2011 9:02 pm

Respite would be good if we could get Mum to agree to it. I think would prefer a permanent respite. Yeah they both need counselling but to get them to actually do it is another thing. Dad has been like this for such a long time too, he never sought counselling. He is on antidepressants, lot a good they do. He chooses to drink on a regular basis. He is a Vietnam Vet, so this has been a lifetime battle. So overwhelmed by it all.

He wasn't able to get anything done with Mum being initially sick and in hospital, now she is home he struggles. Now he has winter to contend with - really frustrating for him. He does make some of his own problems though. He had moments where he could have done something but chose to do other things. He was out mowing the lawn today and then it rained, he lost his temper. I thought he hurt himself, the way he was carrying on. It scared the cr*p out of me. :roll: He could have had someone else do it but he chose to do it himself - he just wont make things easier for himself. It is the hard way or the hard way.

I am it as far as long-term practical help. I am freaking out too as he isn't well and if something happens to him, you should see what I will have to sort out. I am just not ready. Oh dear.

Thanks for suggestions and listening. :heart:

User avatar
schoolteacher
Forum Queen
Forum Queen
Posts: 5046
Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:20 pm
Contact:

Re: Dad On High Alert - All Of The Time

Postby schoolteacher » Sun Jul 31, 2011 5:58 pm

It sounds as if the whole family is in crisis and needs some serious counselling maybe? Could mum go into respite care??? That is something you could ask her doctor about. It would maybe lower stress levels all round :hugs:

trish.ca71
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Dad On High Alert - All Of The Time

Postby trish.ca71 » Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:35 pm

Just don't get Dad. Never have an never will. He hovers over Mum. He treats her like a child and refers to her stuff as cr*p. He doesn't want to look after her. He thinks a cancer concoction can restore her health so then he won't have to worry and do what he likes. Life wasn't that good before Mum was this sick. He is a hard man to live with. Why didn't Mum leave him while she had the chance. Wish there was something I could do. I have tried but now I really can't.

Today is bad. Mum groaning in pain and him tense because he can't organise himself. All I am trying to do is help but he looks at me like he could kill me. I should be used of this by now, never will be. I just want to go home. Roll on Wednesday. His either drunk, hungover or stroppy. How do you get through to someone who is a bit of a moron!!!

Making me feel like I am in the way, then makes me feel I should be taking care of Mum, that I deserted the family because I met someone they don't like. Of course they didn't desert their family... Nooo. I have always been there for this family, turned my world upside down so they could be happy. If anyone deserted the family it is my brother. He barely calls. As much as I love him and are happy that his life is on track, he is long overdue for some serious growing up!

I have had so much go wrong in my life that has prevented me from doing things and would like to know when will it be truly my turn. I am so tired of the guilt, pressure an emotional black mail. :bawl: :ouch:


[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Return to “Partners, family, friends”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests