She may refuse further treament but she is high risk

[srichard]

Yes thank you. Both are right. It is a hard decision that we should make and no there is no much after care support in Victoria nothing like my wife needs right now anyway.

It is like Crystalady says you don't want you body touched anymore after so many operations. We have seen many so called experts in their designated field however many have failed within a short distance. Only a handful selected she can believes in could give her a valuable opinion.
Palliative was good and so provide respite for people that choose the hospital but then again palliative is for the dying that is "Help you to expire". Some people told me at Medibank that if they had a choice like my wife had they would probably would not want to do it simply because of the pain and risk associated so they would rather curl up and die but they did not know the other option was worse. Yet inspite all this my wife went through to remove her cancer so when a person had so much agonising pain exceeding the pain threshold makes you realise how much you want to continue (the boy is a good reason) living but at the end of the tunnel the quality of life for many reasons just isn't there.

[Crystalady]

I can relate to the fear of hospitals. Do you have children? I have always found that after I talk to my kids I have a stronger desire to keep up the fight, even when I think I've had enough and can't take any more there is a will that kicks in. I'm not as bad as your wife. She may just not want the poking and prodding experienced in hospital. It's like your body isn't your own anymore.

It's so hard for you because you feel so helpless. My husband often asks what he can do to help and when I say nothing, he has such a frustrating look on his face that I wish there was something he could do just to make him feel better.

Sandra

[Janette]

Gosh, no easy answer is there. Surely there is some support for you both to help with this. I know palliative care are good in a lot of ways but there seems a need for more.

[srichard]

Thanks Gail
I am not sure at this stage of her life there are no easy answers because after eleven operations quite a few of them lasting long hours there is no further treatments she can have. You see she was reborn as we ware waiting for the hearse because she was in palliative care for ten months. Basically going back to hospital for her is a frightening thought even for a small scan may become the end of the road. How do you get that thought out of her is one of the hardest questions of my life.

[Gail]

Oh the poor thing, that is awful. I had a recent nasty fall and it is such a shock even with minimal injury. When is enough, enough? treatment wise. I can't begin to understand with ongoing treatment just to stay alive, how it would effect you mentally and physically. But surprisingly enough the will to live can be very strong in all of us at some point, so all I can say is that having the fall in her eyes was not necessary to have a trip to hospital because it was not life threatening and she hates the place so much that she summed up the fact she just needed rest. Perhaps when the time comes for her tests that will be a different story, so try not to worry yourself too much at this stage over something that may not eventuate. You especially need to look after yourself as well. You are just as important to family and friends also, you are just not just a carer and need to remind yourself of this.

[srichard]

Not sure but I have a feeling my wife may refuse further treatment putting her in a dangerous position as she has two appointments this year may be three breast, gyno and orthopeadics all of them dealing with cancers she may even be sent back to Peter Mac for a once a year PET again. The day before yesterday whist she suffered a fall in the kitchen floor I got very scared she insisted not to go to hospital because of that but she said I dod not want to go back to hospital at all. Luckily the fall did not cause her major discomfort however a lot of distress. I m stressed about her newly found excuse or excuses we've fought long and hard for many years.
Any suggestions please?