Newbie here and to cancer

[Mighty Oak]

Jane,
My heart hurt when I read your last post. It's an amazing bond mothers have with their children; the need to protect them from harm, is incredible. About ten years ago my daughter had surgery for a tumour (benign), and I was beside myself with worry, much more than with my own illness last year. You sound like a very loving, caring mum and talking to the kids about bc in an age appropriate way will allay a lot of their fears. You haven't broken your daughter, just dinted her a bit. She'll spring back good as new.
Hugs,
Mo xxx

[jane dio]

I've broken my baby girl. She is 10 and amazing. When she was 18 months old you could ask her what her favourite colour was and she would reply " the rainbow".. when she was 3.. it progressed to "the rainbow because you need the rainbow to make all the other colours. By 3 1/2 you could ask her what her favourite number was and she would smile and say "zero" and she would wait til you asked her why zero and she would explain "Zero is the first number. No zero... no other numbers. Zero is the starting point. By 4 it was gravity and why didn't we all fall off the earth and bang heads. And so it goes on.. every few months more question about anything and everything. She's a smart coolie.. Anyways
I sat down with both kids and gave a very VERY basic run down about how I am not sick and I am not dying but I do have a cluster of cells that have glitched (they are so into computer terminology - hubby has been a computer tech for 20 yrs and co owns a business). It is cancer but i'm not sick and it's ok I just have to have the lump taken out. That's it. No double talk no radiation chemo any of that. Just what they need to know. We had a great day. She was in bed for a few hours and came out and asked for Panadol because her head hurt. I put my arms around her and she pulled away a little. she told me she didn't want to make the cancer hurt..............I hugged her like no tomorrow and told her it was ok, that everything is ok. We went and layed in my bed. I cradled her for the longest time and she cried.. She cried herself to sleep.

[Janette]

Jane your reactions are very normal. You never need to apologise here. It will get easier when you have more results. Don't be too phased by the ER+ etc it isn't a bad thing and you will understand soon enough.

[Mighty Oak]

Jane,
Don't be so hard on yourself. Most people have 'no idea' what's happening in the beginning, but you will quickly become accustomed to all the terminology. I know what you mean about not wanting to acknowledge the presence of the lump. We are wired to expect threats to our health and safety from outside sources so it's really confronting when it's our own 'selves' that betray us.
Your doctors will look at biopsy results, blood tests and final pathology reports following surgery to get a picture of your cancer. This will then determine their treatment options; tailored especially for you. bc is not as generic as you may think as there are varieties of sizes, hormone combos, her-2 status, lobular or ducal tumours, possible lymp node involvement etc., etc.
You will soon get into a rhythm of what's happening and become quite the expert on your own personal journey.
Make sure to unleash your inner 'warrior princess' she'll help a lot!!
Hugs to you, Jane,
Mo xxx

[The new girl]

hi Jane,I just wanted my cancer removed but I let anyone who wanted to look and feel it.
Just take one day at a time,you have so much going through your mind now.
I hope hubby is back soon,it's hard on them as well as the kids because most of the time they feel helpless.
Not sure why they will insert hook wire,did they tell you the reason? Others here have had hook wire.
The kids will probably have lots of questions,but hopefully will be ok.
Rosa

[jane dio]

Tutor now knows. Student services officer knows and they actually have social workers at his school that are there for the kids. I'll go into my daughters school on Monday and speak with the school nurse - known her thru school for 12 yrs - and I know she has other woman come to her in my situation. Hubby is a way for the weekend and he just called. I couldn't even talk to him over my sobbing. I can't say the C word without all the air in lungs being sucked out. I know I am lucky, I have a very positive outlook, I just never thought it would happen to me. I know I will read this tomorrow and give myself a kick up the butt and tell myself not to be so stupid. I guess I need time to digest everything. I have all these really long works spinning around my head and I have no idea what they mean. E-cadherin positive.. ER positive.. PR positive.. HER-2 immunohistochemistry greater than 30% Equivocal.. and it goes on. I think I have too much info and I don't understand. I didn't know I have to go in before surgery and have a hook wire inserted. Don't know why, when the lump now feels like the size of a walnut. I know the lump has to be removed but i didn't know that they remove the "local area" surrounding it.. Just call me the "I have no idea Queen".

[ruth1]

omg - see how this just reaches out and causes unexpected issues - tell the tutor I say and also the school so they are aware because your kids will be affected by this no matter how hard you try to make it sound like a small speed bump. We've all had discussions on this forum in the past about how other people react towards us when this is dx. I have lost a couple of friends who just sort of opted out and also cancelled a couple of friends along the way. Then there are the ones who want to know how long you have etc etc. People can be bloody stupid and small minded and ignorant and insensitive. You will learn quickly how to fend off the stuff you don't need or want.

[jane dio]

Rosa, I never felt this lump.. now after the biopsy I can.. and it feels huge. I don't like to touch it.. I don't even want to look at my boob.. l wont even let hubby touch it.. I guess I feel dirty in a stupid way.. does everyone feel like that?

[The new girl]

hi Jane,welcome to the forum,the waiting is the worst that's for sure,until you have surgery they won't know exactly what treatment you will need until after surgery,I had a lumpectomy 5 years ago I found a lump while showering,on the side of the breast near arm pit,because it had spread to my lymph nodes I need to have chemo and radiation,no family history.
I wish you all the best,please keep in touch,and ask any questions you want
Rosa

[jane dio]

Thanks Ruth1, nope ouzo didn't help. But I did get about 3 hours broken sleep. My son had tutoring today and when I picked him up his tutor was giving him a bit of a hard time because he wasn't concentrating.. Mumma Bear came out and let's just say I actually feel a little better. Will ring tutor shortly and apologise. I've told the immediate people that need to know. Mother in law has my tombstone picked out already.... everyone is looking at me differently and then I catch them glancing at my breast and I can feel the pity they have. I don't want pity... I'm extremely lucky, I kind of feel like a fraud being here knowing that a I'm not sick. I've read a lot of your stories and I see your strength. I just want to shout at everyone i see to go have a mammogram done..

[ruth1]

I hope that can of ouzo did the job. I also have insomnia so a good nights sleep is a real treat when it happens. Glad you've told the kids - my daughter was 14 when I was dx. I firmly believe keeping them informed is very necessary and the way to keep fear and misinformation at bay. Sounds like you did a great job. Be aware that kids at school also talk and that can have a negative - my daughter showed huge strength at home when I was doing chemo - she was in yr 9 - but away from home she leaned on her close friend at school and of course it was too much for the friend to cope with so she pushed mine away and that caused huge hurt to my daughter. School work spiraled etc - Can Teen organization stepped in and really helped. Keep them in mind in case you need help.

[jane dio]

Hi MO, thanks for your post. I did sit down with one of the cancer care nurses and she was lovely. For the life of me I cannot remember her name but I do have her card in my purse. My kids are amazing.

[Mighty Oak]

Hi Jane,
Just want to wish you good luck on your journey. The waiting is always the hardest part. Waiting for diagnosis, waiting for scans, waiting for test results, waiting for surgery etc., etc., etc. March 30 will be here before you know it and then you'll have a handle on what you're dealing with. Its great that you've been given material to read and actually seen the cancer care wing of the hospital. Have you been put in contact with a breast care nurse yet? They are a valuable member of your medical team and can be really helpful in navigating the bc journey. It sounds as though you did a great job telling the kids. Keeping them informed about the processes will be less scary for them too.
Take care Jane,
Hugs,
Mo xxx

[jane dio]

Hi Ruth1, thanks for your post. I have 10 yr old girl and 16 yr old boy. Hubby is away working for the weekend so it's just me and the kids. I actually sat down with them earlier and we had a chat about what's happening.. LOL I used props too!! I used a peanut m&m to show the size and just explain that I am not sick and that everything is ok. Told them that if it wasn't ok, then dad wouldn't have gone away. I did good..i didn't cry (that comes when I'm in the shower with the radio on). I told them that it's ok to say cancer and it's ok to talk about it.. - My son and I have always talked about everything.. I had the sex talk with him when he was 10 1/2 yrs.. thankyou very much to the internet and xxx sites he came across. Anyway, it went really well. I didn't put a name to what I have just breast cancer that way he can't look it up on google. I told him that google isn't the way to find out info on this because there is a lot of scarey stuff that doesn't relate. Anyways, I splashed out and bought 1 can of ouzo and coke so i'm going to go drink that and hopefully get some sleep ( I had terrible insomnia and have had for most of my life)

[ruth1]

Jane - rule no. 1 here - never ever feel you need to apologise for venting - that's what we're here for and we've all done it at various times throughout treatment. Good that you've made contact with the hospital and you are now a bit calmer - its an awful lot to take in and cope with. Take it one step at a time. Telling kids is hard - what ages are yours?