What am I in for?

[JudyB]

Babysaurs yes it must be a shock to you. As Christine says the mastectomy is not as big a thing as you may think. I know that is easy for me to say as I have been there done that and moved on but I was absolutely terrified at the time, in fact more concerned about the mastectomy than the actual cancer. Prosthesis these days are marvellous and you should be able to wear these fairly soon. I assume you are having radiotherapy and that is why they don't want to do the recon straight away. I only had one breast removed and I too couldn't have an immediate recon. It was 18 months before I could have one. I started with a knitted boob that a friend made me and then moved on to a proper prosthesis which are subsidised by Medicare. Both I was happy with and no one would have know I was missing a boob.

I am so sorry you have to go through this but please know it is doable and you can come here at any time to ask questions or just vent.

Best of luck to you and please keep in touch.

[Janette]

I really feel for you. It isn't fair and you are allowed to be angry about it. So many ladies have a mastectomy and go back for a second, so in the long term you may appreciate having both removed especially with BRCA risk.

So many ladies are horrified by the prospect of baldness caused by chemo, often more so than surgery or the cancer diagnosis. I have so much respect for those who are comfortable enough to not cover up. And those who do, I also have heaps of respect too. All are warriors.

You will be able to look back on this, lets hope the results after surgery are good. The scan results are a great start to good results.

[ruth1]

this is a really sh#t time for you an no wonder you are feeling so terrible. Somehow we do cope with no boobs, no hair and feeling really sick. You will look back on this one day and wonder how you did it. I remember feeling like you do now and it sucks big time!!!

I did the double mastectomy - I had immediate implants placed on the same day - I also saved my nipples and doing that means that looking in the mirror I still look almost like I used to. I too had tumours that didn't show up on any scans prior to surgery. I elected to have a double mast because of family history but the Drs (first and second opinions) felt it was totally unnecessary and tried to convince me otherwise. My surgeon was taken aback when the post surgery path results showed 2 other tumours that hadn't shown on scans. I shudder to think of the outcome if I hadn't had the mx.

Bit tough for you being the town hairdresser without hair but I found it easy after a couple of months. I got tired of trying to look normal with a wig that was itchy and hot and hats/scarves the same. I finally went au naturel and it was fine except for a few kids staring at me and adults turning away. My daughter had her high school farewell last night and said on the way home that she thought I was incredibly brave for turning up at her annual concert with a bald head back a couple of years ago. I was very touched to hear that. I finished chemo in Nov and had first haircut in Feb.

All you can do at this stage is get things ready for you not being able to do stuff. Organise everything now for kids and so on. Do you know when surgery will be yet?

[chrismelb]

Babysaurs, you must be reeling at the moment. So much to take in and two little kids to boot. I am so glad you have a great doctor cos that really helps.
Re double mastectomy, not as bad as you imagine cos when you only have one boob remover you are lopsided, even when you have an implant. As you age your boob droops so the implant says pert but he real one doesn't. So there actually is a bright side to a double. If i was you i'd get a mastectomy bra or a crop top and put in some breast forms to give you some shape. Many women just go without but if that doesn't appeal there are ways around it. There is an association called 'knitted knockers' around and they will give you for free some knitted breast forms to fill your bra.
As for baldness, there are some advantages. We are heading onto summer and that is a great time to have no hair. When it grows back you will miss being able to whip your hat off to let your head cool down!! No shampoo costs, never have to worry about a bad hair day, short hair when you never contemplated it, lots of good things.
As for now it is all too awful but it is all doable and we are here to support you through. There are lots of threads that will have lots of good info for you and they will also give you a good laugh.
Good luck and just breathe xo

[Babysaurs]

Bone scan and ct scans yesterday came back clear which is good news.
After 19 fine needle biopsie yesterday turns out I have another cancer in the other breast:(
The type of cance pretty much guarantees atleast braca1 gene.
It looks like it a medullary cancer which is very rare apparently.
Talking to my doc yesterday she was really wanting me to have a double mastectomy I don't want to but finding the second cancer though taken that decision away now I have no choice they have to go:(
I can't have reconstruction straight away either:(
We don't know how many more cancers there are that we can't see.
How the hell do you cope with no boobs no hair and already feeling like sh%#t?
I'm only 4 days into this and I've already had enough I don't want to do this any more it's too much:(
The whole bensons radiology department is In a spin though because none of my cancers came up on any MRI ultrasounds ect.
My doc is completely shocked.
But I feel like I have won the doctor lottery because she is awesome have total faith in her she's nice and clearly know what she's doing.
I live in a very small town do rumours are spreading guess that give me something to entertain me lol
Today's a cr*p day feeling angry and sad today it's all just too much.
Because of my age and the type of cancer my docs saying that it's likely that treatment will be aggressive.
I'm a hairdresser and the irony of s bald hairdresser is not lost on me!

[ruth1]

well. you've managed to jump some of the big hurdles - well done on that and great that your parents are still happy to go away. Your boy will need lots of support and friends.

Now that you've got it out there I think go the whole way and tell all who need to know so that you can start to gather support for when you are in and come out of hospital. You will need help so take whatever is offered. What tends to happen is people pour forth with offers in the early part of treatment and then it kind of tapers off so make it as easy on yourself as you can and take the help. With kids you will need others to mind them and do pickups and drop-offs.

I had some wonderful food deliveries from friends that made such a difference. You will have a better idea of timing after seeing the Onc so you can work out when surgery and other treatment will be.

[Janette]

[CarolynLee]

I know exactly what you mean by saying the word cancer - 2 ops, bone scan, ct scan, blood tests, visit to radiologist, soon to oncolgist and i STILL can't believe it cancer

[Babysaurs]

Thank you everyone.
I'm actually looking fired to getting these tests out the way and seeing my doc tomorrow for more info.
I ended up having to tell my parents last night, they knew I was waiting for results as were with me when I got the call to have core biop done the day before.
Mum text me asking if I heard anything and I tried to avoid the question by sending pic of kids lol but it didn't work she knew what I was doing so I rang and told them. They are still going on the holiday which is great:) mum was pretty upset saying she'd failed me etc which of course is silly.
Hunts not taking it as well as me think he was more shocked then me.
We told the kids last night and youngest was fine she didn't really understand, but 8yr old son was devastated:( he wanted me to write a note in his school diary to his teacher because he wanted to be able to talk to the class about it. I dropped him off at 835 and by 8:50 his teacher rang me to see how she could help:)
I'm not really ready to talk to people about it yet, but hubby's telling people and I'm ok with that because that's what he needs ATM.
I do need to tell my 3 closets friends though but how do you tell people things like this??!
My doc is awesome! I'm very lucky to have her and feel in capiable hands. She pretty no bull and I need that no fluff just this is what's happening etc.
I feel like I need to keep saying cancer to make it more real but don't want too.

[jezza]

No it's not wrong not to tell your parents at this stage...I would do the same. They will probably scold you for it when you do tell them but will love you all the more when they realise why you didn't tell them. Awful about your US trip...I can understand how upsetting that must be but you're just putting it off....not cancelling. Hopefully that can be explained.

At the moment it's all tests, waiting and results. Maybe by the time your parents come back there will be some good news there to tell them. I know I felt enormous relief when I got clear bone scan results before I had a double mastectomy. My mum also had a double mastectomy. Our family was on holiday when I found my lump. I didn't tell anyone except my husband. It was already arranged that my 2 eldest would stay on with relatives so I was able to have all the testing etc done while they were away. That helped a lot as I didn't have to be "brave" in front of them. My youngest was 16 months (he'll be 25 next week!)

Yes, a nice post from Carolyn. I love the $50.00 to get your hair washed! Haven't heard of that one before.

Babysauras...it's so tough for you right now and a huge learning curve. I hope you have someone to go with you when things re explained as it's so hard to take it all in yourself.

Ask anything here...please let us know how you get on. xx

jezza

[schoolteacher]

Babysaurus. A diagnosis at such a young age and telling family is hard enough, without holiday plans being turned upside down.
Your medical team has been very thorough so you are in good hands. Be guided by them and accept all offers of help. It was lovely reading about the fabulous support CarolynLee has received
Once you have a plan in place you will feel more in control. I am also touched by your concern for others. I felt the same way but my children were much older
Goidbye luck and please keep us posted

[CarolynLee]

Babysauras, what a sweet and kind person you are - more worried about your parents and family, than yourself.

I think like the others - let your Mum and Dad have their holiday, unless your hubby will need help with the kids.

I've just had 2 surgeries - last one 4 weeks ago, so I'm really only on the early stages of this journey. But I have learnt - accept graciously EVERY (or most) kind offers that comes your way - be it driving the kids to school, meals, gardening, whatever, even finances - someone gave me $50 to go and get my hair washed when I couldn't do it myself. I live on my own and have been so blessed by the love and support I have been given. Still have meals in the freezer .....

Another thing I would recommend - don't listen to other people's stories of other people they know who have been through this - not helpful, and try to ignore stupid comments (believe me they will come). I had to look past the comments and realise those people were uncomfortable or either trying to encourage and just didn't know what to say. That may sound awful, but I want to protect you from needless and sometimes hurtful comments - so it's easier to just say nicely, please I don't want to hear any stories.

My daughter-in-law manages a psychology clinic and spoke to one of the psychs there, so my son and d-i-l told my granddaughter that Grandma had nasty weeds growing in her and the doctor had to pull them out - she is 4, and understood that (as far as we can tell). I found on the internet a good site about telling children when Mum has breast cancer but my laptop died and so I lost the bookmark. Maybe googling it may help.

Take good care of yourself

[The new girl]

babysauras,so sorry to hear this,I think because your parents are only gone for a week you can tell them about you after they come back,I know the hardest will be telling your kids about not going to the states,hopefully if you have insurance you can reschedule. Just take one day at a time after you know what your going to face,chemo is tough but doable and it will give you the best chance,wishing you all the best ......Rosa

[ruth1]

Babysaurs - you must be feeling devastated, scared and completely wrecked with all this. I have had a double mastectomy and started chemo a month later. The surgery wasn't too bad but it did need several weeks to recover from. Chemo will make you sick but somehow we get through it.

I hope your husband is a supportive and capable bloke that will be able to step up and take over the kids etc. Do you have a really close and supportive friend that can help you too? How about definitely sending your parents on their trip and tell them when they get back because they are only away for a week. Perhaps if you had to go in before they get back you could ask them to return a day or so early. Is it possible to send the kids and your husband to Disneyland? Maybe they could go for 2 weeks instead of the 3 or could they go somewhere else like the Gold Coast here - having Mum sick is not easy for kids. If they went then your parents would be back to care for you. Then when kids get back you would be in reasonable shape and back home. This is just an idea for you to consider.

You will know more after seeing the Onc but if chemo has to happen it prob wont be til after surgery.

Really hope you can manage all of this - yourself and everyone else. Its not easy at the beginning of all this awful stuff. Great to see your Mum has remained well.

[Janette]

Hi Babysaurs,
Welcome to the forum and wow! It is a horrible time right now because you don't know where you are with this. We seem to cope with things better when we know exactly what is going on in my opinion.

Telling your parents right now, and risk spoiling their holiday, I think I know what I would want to do. Let them enjoy their holiday if at all possible and tell them when they come home. I hope you're holiday is insured and you get to take the kids to Disneyland in the near future.

Please let us know how you get on, we care and are here to offer support. Hopefully it can only get better.